The Mail Is Gonna Be Late Today....

How did I end up in this position...

I am currently sitting across from what was supposed to be my next victim. He is a middle aged single man. He is telling me his life story. It is... pathetic.
How I ended up talking to him and not killing him:
I was waiting patiently for him to fall asleep but whilst I was hiding in his closet I couldn't stop sneezing and coughing. He heard me and instead of freaking out he offered to get me some medicine. I told him straight up that I wanted to steal his soul or his most valuable possession and he gets me medicine and hot tea.... I almost felt bad.



"I have never told anyone this before... It's my life dream... I always wanted to be a mailman." He says with the most honest expression I have ever seen. I cannot resist and start laughing my head off. Then I get choked up from my coughing.
"Why didn't you become a mailman?" I ask trying make the conversation speed up.
"I am terrified of dogs... Seriously if I hear one bark I instantly freeze up. I curl into a fetal position if I have space. Its really unfortunate how life turned out. No wife, No kid, No dream job..."
The man puts his head in his hands and drowns in self pity. Actually no, it would have been more convenient if he had drowned. I wouldn't have to do this.  
"Well, I understand the hating dogs thing. I was always more of a cat person-" I start to say when he rudely interrupts me.
"So the ears and tail aren't a fashion choice?" He asks. I glare at him and continue what I was previously saying.
"-So I will do you a favor. I am going to kill you but I will let you pet me. Just once. My ears are reallllly soft..." I say trying to make it not sound awkward. I didn't do a very good job. I lean forward and bow my head. I jump a little when I actually feel him stroking my ears. How is this human not freaking out? None of the others took it very well when I made my intentions clear.
"So is this real? I am not drunk or on drugs? I mean a cat boy showed up in my house and told me he wanted to kill me so naturally I assumed someone at the bar slipped something in my drink." He says/asks. Oh. I get it now. He didn't think this was real.
How convenient for me. I have never really killed such a petty person before. In one fluid movement I knock him to the floor and put him in a stranglehold. He doesn't fight too much but I don't really give him a chance to. Once he has passed out I decide to do something odd... He got me medicine so I will do something special for his death. I snap his neck and find something sharp in the kitchen and then I- 
Actually, I think I will let you read the aftermath report. To be honest my words wouldn't do it justice.

"Local mans head found in mailbox:  A local business man's head was found in his mailbox early on Monday morning. The Mail Man on duty had a few kind words to say about the victim.
Jackson(the mail man): 'He was always on his front porch with a cup of coffee when I would drop the mail off. We always exchanged small talk. He seemed like an all around decent guy.'
That is the only patron that knew the victim."
~Hanran
   
"Murder in uptown Motown: Mans head found in mail box.
Victim found early Monday morning, it appears he was murdered sometime last night and the murderer stayed until early hours to cleanly decapitate him. Vicious crimes like this are unheard of in such nice areas. Are we safe? Do we have a local serial killer starting his/her career? So many questions not enough answers."
From: The Local PastaShop 
By: ~Aki